My Faith Story
By Debra Gorman
For the last two Sundays, Pastor Deiss has challenged us believers to pen our testimony, the story of how we came to Christ. I have written it before but it was many years ago. Writing it down was helpful. It gave me clarity, reminding me of the details of Christ’s rescue. It gave me words to express the miracle of my salvation.
After the second week of Pastor’s urging, I decided it was time to embark on this exercise once again. One reason I believe it’s time to re-examine my story is that over the years my life and my faith has encountered new challenges. Some, I failed to handle well, but learned valuable lessons. I want to be able to share my story in a way that is simple, reasonably brief and clear.
I was the eldest child of five on our rural farm in southern Michigan. I learned in my twenties that the man who raised me was not my real father. That explained why I was singled out for his brutality. That’s why he couldn’t love me and didn’t want me. I didn’t want to believe what I had always been told, that I had no worth and was inherently bad.
Young adulthood found me on a quest for love that didn’t turn out well. I lacked the emotional tools to make good decisions.This continued for about ten years. My disappointment and mistakes just got bigger. I felt deep shame as a human being. I believed I was a mistake in the universe. All I ever wanted was love and belonging, but I was drawn again and again into unhealthy relationships. My pain finally drove me to understand that I needed a Savior. I accepted Christ and dove headlong into a relationship with a loving father, one who promised he would never leave or forsake me, and I believed him.(Hebrews 13:5), After years of struggle to climb out of the miry muck, my feet were finally on solid ground (Psalm 40:2).
Six months after making Jesus my Lord, I met the man I would be married to for twenty years. He was a Christian, but as it turned out, a troubled one. We started a family together and moved across the country. Unfortunately, we had both experienced difficult childhoods and how could we succeed at love when we had never had healthy love modeled? We knew what it looked like because we studied the Bible, but we didn’t have it in us to go the distance.
We divorced and I moved about 90 miles away. This was a dark time for me. I was disappointed in God. He could have performed a miracle for my marriage, but didn’t.
A profound lesson I learned was that I was still tethered to Christ even when I drifted away for a time. I had trusted God and served him for twenty years. However, I don’t think I understood his character very well. I have come to believe, based on my experience and what I read in scripture, that if you once made Jesus your LORD and SAVIOR, he won’t abandon you. He’ll gently reel you in until you are safely back in the boat with him. Hebrews 13:5 I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.
He’s so patient with us, and so loving. As earth dwellers, we cannot fully understand such love, but we can believe it as we come to know him better by reading his love letter to us, the Bible, and by studying it.
My favorite verse has always been Romans 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.This verse emphasizes that God works all things, both good and bad, to bring about good outcomes for those who love Him and are part of His plan.
Even though Romans 8:28 has been my favorite verse since early on in my Christian walk, it has much more meaning for me now. I have experienced some devastating losses in my life and God has been true to his word, good has come from every difficulty. He has preserved and protected me always.
In the story of Joseph found in Genesis 37-50, after Joseph was sold into slavery, God turned even that situation into something good. After many setbacks, Joseph was placed in a position of power and the very brothers who sold him into slavery came begging for provisions for the family. Joseph was able to say in Genesis 50:20, You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He did not exact revenge as he could have. He understood that God is in control, and God is a good God.
It turns out that God won’t be hurried. I was about to meet the love of my life at forty-eight years old. Enter John Gorman. Being loved by John has been everything I had hoped for. We’ve now been together for twenty-two years and, impossibly, life keeps getting better.
More importantly, my understanding of God’s character grows sharper, clearer. God protected me through an abusive childhood, a difficult marriage, a brain hemorrhage and stroke. God has restored the years the locusts have eaten. Joel 2: 25
In his time, he gave me the love I had dreamed of in the form of John who has weathered many storms with me. He’s been a devoted husband, a true partner and a fellow sojourner in this walk of faith. John is the most intelligent person I have ever known. And he never fails to crack me up with his humor.
Titus 3:4-7
When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. Because of his grace he made us right in his sight and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life.
I believe that God is exactly who he says he is.
1 Corinthians 13:12: Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. (NLT)
